


Every Time I Hear Thunder

by messedupstargazer



Series: Dating Your Arch-Nemesis [4]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Desperate Romance Almost, Guilt, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Lightning Psychosis, Love, M/M, Nightmares, Or At Least Me, Please Don't Hate Me, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleeping Together, So much guilt, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Thunder and Lightning, len is a good boyfriend, they're trying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 10:37:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9487493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messedupstargazer/pseuds/messedupstargazer
Summary: “Your hands are shaking.”  Len whispered.“Are they?”  Barry breathed, his voice barely audible.-----A terrible lightning storm sends Barry over the edge and he goes to the only place he feels safe- Len's.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is so late everyone. I hit a few snags along the way. My damn laptop broke, I started school and I've been trying to get a job. Anyways, here is the next installment. I hope you like it.

Len was someone that fear was well-acquainted with. With his father, Lisa, even being afraid of Mick since fire was not something he liked to keep close, fear was something Leonard Snart knew well. For those who know fear well, it can become easier to grow cold to it. To not let it affect you. To try and not let it affect the people around you. He had saved Lisa from eighty percent of his fear growing up. That was enough for him.

“Lenny!” Lisa's voice broke through his thoughts.

“Yes, sister?” He asked, his voice never betraying the fact that he was daydreaming.

“I don’t think we should go out tonight.” Lisa said. “The weather report said that there's an eighty percent chance of thunderstorms. And with what happened last time, I don’t think leaving a house is a good idea.”

It wasn’t hard for Len to figure out that this had nothing to do with the weather. Len was still recovering from the icicle to the gut and he had tried to plan a heist to take his mind off of things. It wasn’t working very well. All Len could think about was Barry, and trying to find a way to make their relationship work. He hadn't come up with any great ideas yet but neither had Barry. They did text constantly so Barry could check on him and Len could understand that Barry did still want to be together. They just didn’t know how they were going to do it.

“Lenny?” Lisa asked, frowning in concern. “Did you hear me?”

“Yes, Lisa.” Len nodded. “I understand. I hate the risk of lightning anyway. We can reschedule.”

Lisa nodded, though she probably knew that he knew it had nothing to do with weather. This was merely Lisa being a good sister.

“Is your boy coming over tonight?” Lisa asked, satisfied with his answer.

“No.” Len shook his head. “I told him I had plans with you tonight.”

“You want some dinner?” Lisa asked. “I was about to order some Thai.”

Len nodded and walked from his study to the living room. He planned to spend the rest of the night on the couch, watching television with his sister, if they weren’t going on the heist. If he were perfectly honest with himself, he knew Lisa would find a way out of it. While he often threw himself into his work to try and deal with his problems, he wasn’t ready yet for this. He found a station while Lisa chattered away their order on the phone and he contented himself to a quiet night with Lisa.

Two hours later, and a maelstrom unleashed itself. Winds according the weather channel were up to sixty miles an hour, rain coming down so hard Len had to turn up the T.V., and constant thunder and lightning. It was almost enough to make Len call Mardon and tell him to knock it off. Lisa had casually drifted closer to Len to the point which she could tuck her head into his shoulder. While Lisa had outgrown her fear of thunderstorms, he never minded when she wanted to be close to him during one. It reminded him not all of Lisa's fears were unspeakable to the rest of the world.

_Knock. Knock._

Lisa sat up, and frowned. “You sure you weren’t expecting anyone?”

“The only people who come to this apartment are you, Mick, and Barry.” Len said, getting up. “Maybe someone wrecked because of the storm.”

Len opened the door to find a soaking wet and shaking Barry Allen. His eyes were darting around faster than a lizard.

“Lisa would you make some hot chocolate please?” Len said, deliberately keeping his voice even. He wasn’t sure what had made Barry so scared but he needed to stay calm for the kid. Otherwise, they would just make each other worse.

“Sure, Len.” Lisa agreed, her voice unsure.

“Come in Barry.” Len stepped to the side to let Barry in but he simply attached himself to Len at super speed once Lisa wasn’t looking.

Len wrapped his arms around Barry and let him shake for a little while. He wasn’t quite vibrating but he was shaking much stronger than any normal human.

“Babe, try to breathe.” Len whispered. “You can control yourself. It'll be all right. All you have to do is breathe. Just breathe. It’s all right. It’s all right. Breathe, babe.”

Continued whispering brought Barry down to a normal speed. Lisa approached cautiously, holding out a mug of hot chocolate.

“Barry, why don’t we move to my bedroom, okay?” Len asked. “It’s warmer in there.”

Barry hesitantly nodded.

Len slipped his hands down to Barry's thighs and lifted. He didn’t trust Barry to not super speed right now and Barry trusted him with his secret. Lisa followed quietly and left the mug on the nightstand and shut the door behind her. He made a mental note to thank his sister for her discretion. Len laid Barry down on the bed, finally releasing Len.

“Barry, try drinking some of this.” Len coaxed, holding out the mug.

Barry gulped the whole mug down in a single swallow. The heat didn’t seem to bother him.

Suddenly, a crash and Len nearly jumped when the mug hit the floor. Barry didn’t seem to notice. His hands were only blurs.

“Your hands are shaking.” Len whispered.

“Are they?” Barry breathed, his voice barely audible.

“Well, they're moving so fast I can't see them.” Len said dryly, trying to give Barry something else to focus on. “So yes, I would say they're shaking.”

“I'm sorry.” Barry murmured.

“It’s all right.” Len pulled him close. Barry leeched onto him as if he were a lifeboat to a drowning man. “You need to get out of those wet clothes. I don’t want you getting sick.”

Barry nodded slowly, as if barely understanding, but pulled away from Len to try and undo the buttons on his shirt. Try, being the operative word since his hands were shaking, and Len just stepped in to go through this as quick as possible. Barry then undid the button on his jeans and he peeled the clothes off. Len got some of the STAR Labs sweats that Barry was constantly in on his downtime, and often forgot at Len's place, and some underwear and Barry changed. His hair was still wet, but with him inside and now in warm clothes, Len was satisfied he wouldn’t catch pneumonia from inside a heated room.

“Can you tell me why you're so scared?” Len asked.

“You'd laugh.” Barry mumbled into Len's shoulder.

“I would never laugh at what scares you.” Len promised, brushing a kiss to Barry's hair.

Suddenly a loud clap of thunder crashed through the sky and Barry shrieked, jumping about four feet in the air and landed on his back, curling into a ball. Len knelt down to find Barry sobbing into his knees.

“You're scared of thunder?” Len muttered.

“You must think I'm so stupid.” Barry cried. “I'm twenty-six and I'm scared of thunderstorms.”

“Didn’t you say you were struck by lightning?” Len said. “Wasn’t that how you became the Flash?”

Barry nodded.

Another clap of thunder and Barry wailed. “Every time I hear thunder, it’s like that night all over again.”

Len sighed and tried to get Barry into his lap. Barry moved his head from his knees to Len's chest and Len wrapped his arms as much around Barry as he could.

“Babe, you're not just scared.” Len said. “You're experiencing a flashback. Probably a PTSD flashback.”

“I don’t have PTSD.” Barry mumbled.

“When you showed me your scars, I read up on lightning strikes.” Len admitted. “I wanted to know as much about your condition as any doctor. And I found out that while the syndrome might not fully develop, you can have symptoms of PTSD. And this is the biggest thunderstorm we've have since that night. It’s okay to feel scared because of what happened to you.”

Another thunderclap rang out and Barry just sobbed into Len chest for a while. Len just stroked his back and whispered to him as he cried. He tried to keep Barry in the present, where he belonged, and let Barry cry out his fear. The thunderstorm raged on even after Barry cried himself to sleep, exhausted mentally and physically. Len picked him up, slipped Barry under the covers, and tucked him in.

Len leaned down and kissed his forehead. He said, just in case Barry could hear, “I'll be right back, babe.”

Len then crept out of the room, silently shutting the door behind him. Lisa was still in the living room.

“He okay?” Lisa hissed, knowing to keep her voice down.

“He's asleep now.” Len said back, his voice matching her volume.

“Kid’s scared of thunder?” Lisa ventured.

“He was struck by lightning once.” Len said, answering her question while being vague. “This storm sent him right back to the other one.”

“Poor dear.” Lisa sighed. “When the storm eases up, I'll leave you two alone okay?”

“Thanks, Lis.” Len said. “And thanks for being so understanding.”

“Think nothing of it.” Lisa smiled. “I know you really like this kid.”

“I'm sorry we didn’t get to spend our evening relaxing with each other.” Len offered.

“Please.” Lisa snorted. “He was there for you. I really don’t mind you being there for him.”

Len smiled at his sister. Lisa hugged him and Len went about getting some food and water ready for when Barry woke up. Once everything was done, he just set up a T.V. tray for the food and crawled into bed with Barry.

Barry was sleeping restlessly, as if even in sleep he could hear the thunder. He probably could. Len sighed and resigned himself to watching over Barry, positive he would get nightmares. Sure enough, not twenty minutes later Barry screamed himself awake.

Len wanted nothing more than to hold him close and squeeze away the fear but he knew if Barry wasn’t receptive to touch, as he sometimes was after a nightmare, he had to keep his distance.

“Bar, is it okay if I touch you?” Len asked.

Barry nodded, leaning into Len. “I'm sorry.”

“It’s all right.” Len whispered, kissing Barry's cheek. “This is out of your control. Your feelings are perfectly valid.”

“When will this damn storm end?” Barry said shakily.

“Hopefully soon.” Len sighed. “It’s been a while.”

“Thank you.” Barry murmured.

“I love you.” Len said. “I'm happy to help.”

“I love you too.” Barry replied.

Len smiled and held Barry tighter. After everything that happened between them, he was never going to get tired of hearing those words.

Finally, after another half an hour, the storm eased up to where the thunder wasn’t as constant as it had been. Lisa knocked three times to signify her leaving.

“Why don’t you try and eat something?” Len tried. “I've got leftover Thai and pizza.”

Barry nodded and slowly munched on whatever food Len put in front of him. He wasn’t sure if Barry actually tasted any of the food he was getting but at least he was eating something. Hypoglycemic Barry was never anything good.

While Barry was finishing the food, the storm finally relented. Barry all but collapsed on himself, and Len ran his hand through Barry's still wet hair.

“How are you feeling?” Len murmured.

“A little more human.” Barry said. “But I don’t want to go.”

“Then don’t.” Len stated.

“I should though.” Barry said, though he didn’t move. “I'm sure the others are worried.”

“Screw them.” Len mumbled. “Stay with me.”

Barry flinched.

“What is it?” Len asked, frowning.

“Just reminds me of… when you got hurt.” Barry stuttered. “I kept asking you to stay with me, don’t leave me.”

“I didn’t leave you.” Len reminded him. “I stayed right here.”

Len wasn’t sure exactly how to handle this, as this was the first time he and Barry discussed this. He knew peoples injuries sometimes stayed with Barry as nightmares and flashbacks but he didn’t think his own would stay since Barry visited him in the hospital nearly every day.

“But it’s easy to remember you bleeding out in my arms.” Barry choked out, tears welling up again. “I just remember thinking that I couldn’t lose you.”

“You didn’t.” Len tried to reassure Barry as best as he could. “Put your hand on my chest. My heart’s still beating, my lungs are still breathing, and my brain’s still working. I'm not going anywhere.”

“I know all that.” Barry sighed. “I just… I can't stop dreaming about you.”

“Normally, I'd be flattered.” Len said. “But I don’t think you're talking about domestic or romantic dreams.”

“You die.” Barry stated, his voice flat. “Nearly every time. I can't save you and you die, and it’s all my fault and I can't save you.”

“Mark Mardon.” Len said. “He created the icicle, he shot it, and he missed when aiming at you. You didn’t do this, he did.”

Barry snorted. “Tell that to my subconscious.”

Len kissed Barry's hair. “Then spend the night with me. When you wake up, I'll be right here.”

“I want to.” Barry pushed against Len, as if wanting to get closer but he was already at maximum closeness. “I really want to.”

“Then do it.” Len said. “You've spent the night before. Just do it again.”

“I don’t want you to think I'm easy.” Barry teased, a smirk playing on his face.

Len rolled his eyes and lightly tapped the back of Barry's head. “Moron.”

Barry smiled, a genuine smile that never ceased to make Len's heart flutter, and sighed. “I haven’t spent a night here since that night… I guess I can change that.”

Len smiled. “Please do. I've missed sleeping next to you.”

“Me too.” Barry said. “God, I'm exhausted.”

“You've had a long day.” Len whispered, laying down and taking Barry with him. “It’s okay to be tired.”

“Read to me?” Barry asked.

Len nodded and dug around in his nightstand for one of his nightly books. He found, with a slight blush, Stephen Hawking’s The Theory of Everything. Barry had recommended to him, and Len had grabbed it when he was last at the bookstore, since Barry never let him down yet. That had been before the entire mess between them.

“We now know that our galaxy is only one of some hundred thousand million that can be seen using modern telescopes, each galaxy itself containing some hundred thousand million stars.”

“You old romantic.” Barry hummed contentedly. Len rolled his eyes. Of course, with all the memory lapses Barry suffers, _that_ Barry remembers. Still, he threaded his fingers through Barry's hair and started again.

“We now know that our galaxy is only one of some hundred thousand million that can be seen using modern telescopes, each galaxy itself containing some hundred thousand million stars. We live in a galaxy that is about one hundred thousand light-years across and is slowly rotating; the stars in its spiral arms orbit around its center about once every hundred million years. Our sun is just an ordinary, average-sized, yellow star, near the outer edge of one of the spiral arms.”

Len read for a long time, since Barry simply wouldn’t fall asleep. His eyes were closed but Len always knew when Barry was awake, and when he wasn’t. It was as if Barry just wanted to listen to him read. Len almost blushed when he realized that. Once Barry was asleep, and the book was put away, Len settled down for the night, very content to have Barry at his side once more.

_Long time ago, far, far away_  
_Long time ago, far, far away_  
_Kiss a Wookiee, kick a droid_  
_Fly the Falcon through an asteroid_  
_'Til the princess is annoyed_

Len snapped awake, annoyed that Barry's phone was ringing very late at night. A quick glance at the clock said it was nearly midnight. Although it pained him to do so, Len extricated himself from Barry and went digging through Barry's discarded clothes. He found Barry's cell within his jeans pocket and saw Joe was calling him.

“Barry's phone, Len speaking.” Len answered.

“Snart?” Joe asked, surprised. “Put my son on.”

“He's asleep and I'm not waking him up.” Len whispered.

“Fine.” Joe sighed. One of the few things Len and Joe agreed on was that Barry never slept enough. “So I assume he's at your place?”

“Yeah, he's been around for a couple hours.” Len said. “The storm freaked him out.”

“I knew it would but I didn’t realize it would be so bad, he'd go to you.” Joe said.

“I _am_ still dating him.” Len growled.

“I'm aware.” Joe snapped. “I don’t have to be happy about it.”

“He's staying the night with me.” Len stated. “He's an adult, he can choose to do so.”

“I know that.” Joe replied. “It’s just as his father I get worried when it’s almost midnight and he hasn’t come home yet.”

“Well, he's perfectly safe here.” Len answered.

Joe huffed disbelievingly but didn’t pursue it. “Tell him to come home in the morning. There are some work issues, police work issues, that we need to discuss for a case.”

One of Joe’s first rules when Len first started dating Barry that police work had to take priority in some cases. Catching the criminals, Len always internally snorted at _that_ pun, always made Barry happy so Len accepted it as part of dating a CSI.

“I can do that.” Len agreed. “But I won’t wake him. He's had a rough day and he needs all the sleep he can get.”

“That’s fine, I understand.” Joe said. “He doesn’t have work tomorrow so it’s not something he needs to set his alarm for.”

Len heard a low whine from Barry, but whether it was because Len was gone or the start of a nightmare was unclear.

“All right.” Len said. “Goodnight, Detective.” Len hung up.

Len walked quickly back to Barry, whose breath was coming faster and faster, and his face started to screw itself up in pain.

“Shh, I'm right here, I'm okay.” Len slipped back under the covers, running a hand through Barry's hair.

At the sound of his voice, Barry started shaking and shrieking, though without comprehensible words. Len pulled back and started shaking Barry's hips.

“Wake up, babe.” Len pleaded. “Barry, wake up!”

“No, no, no, no, please, not Len.” Barry’s voice broke his heart. “Please, I can't lose him, I love him, I love him, please, Len don’t leave me, don’t leave me, no, no, please, I love you, I love you, no. No! NO!”

Barry finally screamed himself awake.

“Bar, can I-” Len started but Barry just attached himself to Len and sobbed.

Len wrapped his arms around Barry and squeezed, uncaring of strength. Barry needed to be grounded in reality, with Len right there, so he didn’t lose control and start vibrating.

“I'm right here, Bar.” Len soothed, as best as he could, guilt building up in his gut. “I'm right here. My heart’s beating, my blood’s pumping inside my veins, and I'm perfectly okay. I'm not going anywhere, Barry. I love you. Oh god, I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Barry choked out through his tears.

For a little while Len was silent, tears forming in his own eyes. He should have remembered Barry's predisposition to nightmares, and his own injury gave Lisa nightmares so he should have known that Barry would be affected. He should have called every single night. He should have checked on Barry more often. He should have made sure that Barry knew that Len would be there, no matter what. Barry shouldn’t have to scream himself awake every night. Len should have told Barry to call if he had nightmares, especially about him.

“You're crying.” Barry said, awed.

“Am I?” Len said, and Barry swiped his cheek, Len finally able to feel the tears.

“Am I hurting you?” Barry gasped, and let go of Len.

Len felt as if _he_ might shatter without Barry's arms. “No, no, you weren’t hurting me.”

Barry hesitantly moved his arms and Len grabbed him tightly. Barry responded in kind.

“I'm sorry.” Len confessed. “I'm so sorry.”

“Why are _you_ sorry?” Barry asked, shifting position to where they faced each other without letting go from one another. “I'm the one who woke you up. I'm the one who interrupted your night with your sister. I'm the one who wakes up screaming and probably scared you.”

“Bartholomew Allen.” Len snapped, making Barry freeze. “Forget that shit. I don’t care. I wouldn’t care if I never slept again if it meant that you could sleep without nightmares. And I'm sorry because I should’ve noticed your nightmares. I know you get them easily and with what happened to me, I should have known you'd get them. I should have called you more, I should have checked up on you, I love you I should have-”

Soft lips stopped his, wet tears mixing together from both their faces, and Len melted. He kissed Barry as fiercely as he could, trying to show his love through this one motion. Barry kissed Len just as passionately. This wasn’t a sexual act, but a necessary one. Barry's arms wrapped around Len's shoulders and Len's hands fisted themselves in Barry's hair. Barry let out a soft moan, and dug his fingernails into Len's back, and while usually that went straight to below Len's waist, this couldn’t have if he tried. Sensation was almost muted and flooded at the same time. The world around them disappeared as they lost themselves within each other. Len wasn’t sure how much time had passed before Barry finally pulled back. Len looked straight into Barry's eyes and, without needing to speak, they simply laid back down, cuddling together.

For a time, neither of them spoke. Neither of them needed to. As they lay there, Len thought of the night they broke up. Barry had asked Len if he would give up being Captain Cold. While he loved the thrill of a successful heist, all he had to do was look down at the man in his arms and he knew the answer.

“Okay, I'll do it.” Len muttered, brushing over the freckles all over Barry's arms.

“Do what?” Barry muttered sleepily. It seemed even with the sleep he had been getting, that it was not enough and he was still beyond exhausted.

“I'll give up being Captain Cold.” Len whispered, kissing Barry's hair. “I love you more than heists.”

“No.” Barry stated, and Len frowned. “I can't ask you to give up something that’s such an integral part of you. You didn’t make me give up being the Flash. You knew that saving people is a part of me. While I may not approve, I can't ask you to give that up. I love you too much.”

Len's heartstrings pulled. Barry, the man who never broke a law (disregarding the vigilante bit), was willing to let Len stay a criminal because he loved him.

“We’ll figure it out.” Len swore. “I promise. There has to be a way we can stay together.”

Barry nodded. “We’ll find it together.”

“Cheesy romantic.” Len teased.

“Sentimental old fool.” Barry countered and Len chuckled.

“Who you calling old, kid?” Len snapped playfully.

Barry snickered but didn’t respond. Len looked down and saw Barry's eyes closed and heard his breathing even out. While he was exhausted in his own right, Len had to stay awake. He had to make sure that Barry didn’t have any more nightmares. Len could sleep later, as he had no job beyond heists.

Barry slept like the dead, for lack of a better word. His eyelids sometimes fluttered and his nose twitched but soft words and stroking his hair kept anything from developing. Ten hours later, eleven o’clock rolled around and Barry started to wake up. At first, Barry's sleep schedule had unsettled him but once Len found out about Barry's powers, he knew that his powers taxed him more than regular things so sleeping a lot was something to get used to.

“What time is it?” Barry mumbled, still half-asleep.

“Morning.” Len answered, not want to panic Barry with the time. When Barry slept until late morning, often times he forgot he didn’t need to speed around to get out the door. Len supposed he was too used to waking up late.

Barry opened his eyes, blinking blearily up at Len. “This is the best I've slept in a while.”

“I'm glad.” Len said, carefully avoiding the fact that he didn’t sleep. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better from yesterday.” Barry said, sitting up. “I feel like me again. Not one hundred percent but maybe… eighty.”

“Eighty percent is good.” Len said.

Barry yawned as Len sat up. “I've missed waking up like this.”

Len nodded. “Me too.”

“I wish I could wake up like this every day.” Barry sighed wistfully.

“Me too.” Len replied. “Oh by the way, West called last night. He said you have cop stuff to tackle together.”

He said that because if he hadn't changed the subject, he was pretty sure he would prematurely ask Barry to move in with him. As much as Len wanted that, today was not the day to ask.

Barry nodded. “I should get over there then.”

“And tonight, come to bed with me.” Len said. “You can easily sneak out of West’s house if you need to. Just… stay by my side.”

Barry leaned forward and kissed Len, who disregarded the morning breath.

“I'll come tonight.” Barry whispered reverently.

“Go save the world, copper.” Len teased.

Barry rolled his eyes but his amused smile betrayed him. Barry sped through getting dressed in his now dry clothes and kissed Len once more before speeding off. Once he was alone, he sighed and leaned his head back against his headrest. He was incredibly tired, still emotionally exhausted, and had no idea how to figure he and Barry out, now that neither would give up their other identity. He decided to figure it out later, as he wasn’t likely to think of something workable while sleep deprived. As he settled back down into the pillows, he found that Barry's scent still lingered on the pillows and buried his face into it. He may be physically alone, but at least this was better than going to sleep completely alone. That had to count for something.


End file.
